Out of This World

I wake up late, after an endless fit of rotating thoughts. I’m still thinking, thinking-but-not-thinking about a most horrific date. Marso. What a loser. Crater-faced and cocky, bragging about his polar caps and all. We weren’t even maybe two years in before I knew that it would never work. Some guys are just light years away from a clue.

So Mother’s upset. Like it’s my fault. I just want to know what in the Milky Way it takes to find a guy who isn’t obsessed with his own orbit. Ugh, Marso. With his theories and predictions but without the noggin power to save his epic dust storming until the second or third or fourteenth date?

And I’m supposed to be the dense one?

Seriously, the guy had the nerve to comment on my mass while laughing about the dinosaurs. Touchy subjects where I’m from, you know? Oh well, I’m better off this way I guess.

It takes me a second to realize that Mr. High and Mighty is a little late on the come up. I look out to the vast black void that matches how I feel. I’m certainly not up for chores this morning but Mother will get all cosmic if I don’t get to it.

I take a breath of fresh wind and pull myself together, hearing Mother’s voice, “Not too hard dear, don’t want to cause a stir.”

I’ve got my own things to do and a lot on my plate. For starters, tonight is date two of Mother’s Operation Set Terra up with a Decent Guy. I swear, we need a reality TV show…

Dates. Who am I kidding? Mother is a Goddess, getting hotter by the year. I’m just trying to find a guy I can interact with gravitationally, you know?

But tonight won’t come if we don’t get moving. Crud. Precious Mr. Solar owns the day and the time. Everything will be a mess if there is no daylight.

Day/Night/Day/Night. I’m feeling polarized. On one hand I‘m kind of in the mood to see things shaken up a bit, but then again the terrestrials will go super doom and gloom if we get off schedule–they’re already spooked. And who wants to see tag along Luna go all total-eclipse-of-the-heart about things? It’s hard to believe Mother’s been doing this job for something like four and a half billion years and only once did she mess up. “Never date an asteroid,” as she likes to say.

Oh, right, the sun. Mr. Fire over there doesn’t take kindly to playing second fiddle. I gotta get going.

I step outside, where the stars are tangled up with confusion. Mother tells me again to hurry. I roll my eyes and clear my throat, trying not to think about tonight’s date is with some gassy Exo loser from a private solar system that reeks of arrogance. Oh well, they say opposites attract, just ask the Axis.

I close my eyes and commence with the corniness. On with the morning…

“You are my sunshine, my only sunshine,
You make me happy, when skies…”

I stop, feeling the big fireball stir. I hate that he’s going to make me sing the entire song.

“You’ll never know dear, just how I love you…”

Well hello Helios. We’re back on track, and only a few seconds off. It’ll still get some attention with the nerds, but the day has sprung and tonight is on the way. Time for a shower, I have a date you know.

 

 

–Pete Fanning/2016

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